Eric Thomas advises on surprise party

R. Eric Thomas published his weekly advice column for the Denver Post on Sunday, November 1, 2026. In the column, he addressed a letter from a reader who asked how to manage a surprise 50th birthday party for her husband. The reader described her husband’s brother as violent and prone to drinking when the two men are together.

The letter writer, signing as Party Pressure, explained that she and her husband have been married for more than 20 years. She noted that her husband and his brother live a long distance from each other, which she prefers because their interactions often turn physical. The brother frequently starts fights by hitting her husband first and making cruel remarks, usually about the wife. Their last in-person contact was at their mother’s funeral, where the brother focused on money and control.

Party Pressure said she sent invitations to close family and friends for the surprise party but left the brother out. A friend of the husband later told her that the brother found out about the event and planned to attend. She told the friend to convey that she did not want the brother there. She worried the brother might call her husband, ruin the surprise, and force him to include the guest.

Thomas replied that it may be difficult to manage someone with a history of being unmanageable. He advised the reader not to spend much energy trying to convince the brother to behave, as that would only add stress. Instead, he suggested preparing for two likely outcomes.

In the first scenario, the brother calls his brother and spoils the surprise. Thomas said the reader could ask her husband to reconsider the invitation by citing the history of name-calling and violence. He noted that the party is a gift from the reader, so if her husband wants to celebrate with his brother, he should find a different time to do so.

In the second scenario, the brother simply shows up. Thomas recommended enlisting the help of trusted friends and family members in advance. He suggested asking these people to chaperone the brother, which would help reduce the reader’s anticipatory anxiety. He concluded that the brother has issues to work through and a history of disrespecting the reader.

The column also included a question from a reader in Georgia about a neighbor’s plan to use an Ohio address to secure in-state tuition for his son. Thomas explained that an address alone is not enough to prove residency. He pointed to rules in the Ohio State Administrative Code that require supporting documentation, such as voter registration or a sworn statement from an employer. He noted that if the child is still a dependent of parents living in Georgia, the plan would likely fail. He told the reader to stay out of it and let the state’s safeguards do their job.

A final reader, Still Missing, shared a memory of her late husband, who was 6-foot-5-inches tall and always answered height questions by saying he was 5-foot-17-inches. She said this answer usually stopped further questions and got a laugh. Thomas thanked her for the laugh.